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Master of the House
Master of the House ''is a song from ''Les Misérables, sung by the characters of Monsieur Thénardier, Madame Thénardier and the ensemble. Lyrics MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down And meet the best innkeeper in town As for the rest, all of 'em crooks: Rooking their guests and crooking the books Seldom do you see Honest men like me A gent of good intent Who's content to be Master of the house, doling out the charm Ready with a handshake and an open palm Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir Customers appreciate a bon-viveur Glad to do a friend a favor Doesn't cost me to be nice But nothing gets you nothing Everything has got a little price! Master of the house, keeper of the zoo Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two Watering the wine, making up the weight Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight Everybody loves a landlord Everybody's bosom friend I do whatever pleases Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end! CUSTOMERS Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye Never wants a passerby to pass him by Servant to the poor, butler to the great Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate Everybody's boon companion Everybody's chaperone MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER But lock up your valises Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone! Enter Monsieur, lay down your load Unlace your boots, rest from the road This weighs a ton, travel's a curse But here we strive to lighten your purse Here the goose is cooked Here the fat is fried And nothing's overlooked Till I'm satisfied Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief! Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat Filling up the sausages with this and that Residents are more than welcome Bridal suite is occupied Reasonable charges Plus some little extras on the side! Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice Two percent for looking in the mirror twice Here a little slice, there a little cut Three percent for sleeping with the window shut When it comes to fixing prices There are a lot of tricks he knows How it all increases, all them bits and pieces Jesus! It's amazing how it grows! ALL Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye Never wants a passerby to pass him by Servant to the poor, butler to the great Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate! Everybody's boon companion Gives 'em everything he's got MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER Dirty bunch of geezers Jesus! What a sorry little lot! MADAME THÉNARDIER I used to dream that I would meet a prince But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since? Master of the house? Isn't worth me spit! “Comforter, philosopher” and lifelong shit! Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house! CUSTOMERS & MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER Master of the house! MADAME THÉNARDIER Master and a half! CUSTOMERS & MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER Comforter, philosopher MADAME THÉNARDIER Ah, don't make me laugh! CUSTOMERS & MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER Servant to the poor, butler to the great MADAME THÉNARDIER Hypocrite and toady and inebriate! CUSTOMERS & MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse! MONSIEUR THÉNARDIER Everybody raise a glass MADAME THÉNARDIER Raise it up the master's arse ALL Everybody raise a glass to The Master of the House!